When you sign up to join Xtasia, you do so by consenting to a number of club rules. We have provided this guide to back up those rules, to give you clear insight into what we consider as acceptable behaviour, and obviously the reverse where you risk your membership being revoked.

We take consent and safety very seriously and our policy has naturally evolved with the experience of various incidents we’ve had to deal with. We have a list of general club rules, and then added a list of more specific rules that apply to fetish events and BDSM scenes.

We are in a far better position to actively deal with issues than many other similar types of venue, such as a nightclub, bar, or social club, as we know everyone on site at any moment in time. We know their real names, not just an alias from a web site. We know where they live and can provide proof of address to the police if we need to. We have CCTV to show who entered and left the building and when. We take our responsibilities as trying to provide a safe space for swinging and fetish activity to take place, seriously. We feel we need to point this out to you, so you are aware of the potential consequences of poor behaviour. We keep an incident log book and record any event that may result in further enquiries, such as a dispute between two members, an accident on site, right down to finding people who smoke in bedrooms.

We have achieved the status of a designated Safe Space in the West Bromwich area. Our door staff are all SIA certified and most staff are First Aid trained. We have a defibrillator in reception if needed as well as first aid kits all around the building. We are capable of handling most disabilities, with access to around half of the club gained by those in a wheelchair, however the club does have a lot of stairs, including an awkward one in the main toilets.

Not taking “No” for an answer

Touching without consent

Not asking first

Taking things further than has been agreed

Removing a condom without permission

Any kind of assault, both verbal, physical or sexual

Interrupting others during play, either physically or verbally (includes knocking on doors, etc)

Playing under the influence of illegal or prescription drugs or alcohol, where your ability to consent is questionable

Trying to play with someone under the influence of drugs or alcohol where implied consent is not applicable

Being rude or argumentative with staff or crew

Using mobile phones or any recording equipment within the club

Any form of prostitution or payment for sexual acts, including promotion of, or invites to such activities

Bringing in your own alcohol or food, without the venues permission

Chewing gum and disposing of it around the club

Breaching the privacy of any club attendee

Interrupting a scene, verbally or physically

Interrupting aftercare, verbally or physically

Seeking to renegotiate after a scene has started where someone’s ability to fully consent is affected eg sub space, gags, masks

Being touchy feely or getting in peoples personal space when this is unwanted

Playing above your skill level, risking the safety of yourself and/or bottom

Continuing play after someone has clearly said no or called a safeword

Shouting, swearing, name calling, abusive language (unless negotiated/agreed as a scene/dynamic)

Not accepting or following a DM/organiser instruction (play is only stopped mid-scene for immediate safety issues)

Using other peoples kit without asking, picking it up or sitting on it, don’t assume it’s house kit!

Playing in non-play areas

Interrupting a scene, verbally or physically

Interrupting aftercare, verbally or physically

Seeking to renegotiate after a scene has started where someone’s ability to fully consent is affected eg sub space, gags, masks

Being touchy feely or getting in peoples personal space when this is unwanted

Playing above your skill level, risking the safety of yourself and/or bottom

Continuing play after someone has clearly said no or called a safeword

Shouting, swearing, name calling, abusive language (unless negotiated/agreed as a scene/dynamic)

Not accepting or following a DM/organiser instruction (play is only stopped mid-scene for immediate safety issues)

Using other peoples kit without asking, picking it up or sitting on it, don’t assume it’s house kit!

Playing in non-play areas

Please report any behaviour as soon as practicable to a staff member, ideally management first, then door staff or reception, and then bar staff, or a member of the crew if a fetish event. Crew will be identifiable by lanyards.

Please ensure you can identify the perpetrator easily, as a club full of semi naked people creates an issue in finding the offender. Remembering clothing, height, appearance, age, etc. will assist the staff in tracking the person down.

All unacceptable behaviour reports will be investigated and actioned where appropriate

Reports can be made at any time; for practical reasons please understand we are able to intervene and act more effectively if it’s reported soon as possible after it’s happened. Memories fade, people take sides and it can be more difficult after the event, however we take late reports just as seriously whenever they are made

We review each report, speak with all parties concerned where possible to make an informed decision on how to proceed. This may result in someone being asked to leave the event, be banned from attending future events, or the police will be involved with serious allegations or misdemeanours.

Many things can be dealt with by nipping it in the bud there and then. A polite conversation, highlighting the error of the way, and possible outcomes, is often enough to get an apology and behaviour reversed.

Where more is required we have a structure in how we aim to deal with consent violations in an equitable way. It may vary on the individual circumstances and the severity of the behaviour, but in principal we follow these guidelines:

Single low level violation – we will make notes on our membership system that an incident has occurred, recording the details of such, and ensure that next time the person attends, we remind them of the warning, and that they are being watched by staff. We consider low level to be things like being drunk but not aggressive, chewing gum or smoking violations, rudeness without aggression, etc. In essence behaviour that can easily be rectified on next visit. The person will be asked to refrain from that behaviour, and maybe asked to leave the premises for the day.

Single severe level – we will investigate the incident, separately and fully, with both parties as soon as we’re made aware. We will remove the perpetrator from the building, and offer comfort as needed to the victim. If needed, we will involve the police and support any investigation with details of the person involved, and CCTV as demanded. Being a Private Members Club does not give us any right to withhold information if requested for by the police. We will also decide if the person can continue as a member of the club, or a ban is placed upon them. If banned, they are banned from the club, not just from a specific event.

Some incidents might not be enough to consider a major violation. There can be a series of multiple repetitive minor infractions by the same person that individually aren’t enough to act on but what’s important here is the cumulative effect. Due to the unwelcome nature of them, this ‘drip drip’ can be just as toxic to a community as one big violation. There will be warnings but ultimately we will ban – no one needs that type of behaviour

Some people become known to us with prior allegations that didn’t occur at our events. We want good people at our events and would rather pre-empt issues and prevent issues from happening. We seek to be fair but recognise historic allegations can be a potential red flag so deal with them as follows:

Police, court or newspaper articles outlining historic serious offences may result in a ban from the club.

1st hand allegations against a club member will be investigated fully with both parties and may result in a ban, based on the facts ascertained.

2nd hand allegations. We will obtain whatever evidence is forth coming, but without further verification, we will make and retain notes, and keep the person concerned on our watch list.  

We believe people need the prospect to come off banned lists and rejoin communities. We’re also mindful that some offenders may never change, so would be very cautious in making a decision such as this.

We stand for safety and victims everywhere. Our club will not tolerate illegal, antisocial or non-consensual behaviour.

Our staff and event hosts are vetted carefully. They know the scene well, are respected and we remove anyone who doesn’t live up to the standards we believe in.

All reports are respected and taken seriously. We investigate as fully as we can, and happily support further investigation by lawful authorities.

We are governed by GDPR and will not make investigations public in any way. This includes our watch and banned list which is not shared with others.

We can’t stop consent violations and poor behaviour from happening but we can minimise and mitigate the risk of them; and where they do happen, seek to deal with all parties respectfully, and make firm but fair decisions in the best interests of a healthy community

In addition, 34 members of Xtasia management, staff, event hosts and crew have now undertaken a course run by the RSVP (Rape and Sexual Violence Project) to understand consent violations, how to deal with them, and the impact they have, to try to assist victims within our premises and at our events.

Constructive feedback is welcome to improve this policy.

With thanks to @NotForSofties on Fetlife for the outline on which this document was produced